Nightcloud's Pain
by NnyFluff
Summary: She never expected things to turn out like this. She never wanted this pain. So why did this happen to her?


Nightcloud's Pain—

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Author's Note: I have not read the last two books of the series so I do not know what happens to Nightcloud or Breezepelt, or anyone at the end. Please keep that in mind. Oh, and I havn't read the last two books in the second series either. Bear with me on that.

xx

It's funny how love is. One day you're minding your own business, working on your apprentice duties, when you notice one cat that sticks out from the others. You find yourself thinking about this cat more and find yourself keeping track of this cat. You do what you can to get this cat to notice you…but he only thinks of you as a clanmate.

xx

Over time, you and that cat become friends. You can tell he doesn't love you, but you're still hopeful…

Then one day, he's gone.

Just like that, he disappears. No one knows what happened. You're shocked. You're devastated. You're heartbroken. The one cat you love…gone.

As the moons pass, you're clanmates go missing, you're territory is being destroyed, you and you're clanmates are starving. You've given up hope of surviving much longer unless you leave.

You and you're clanmates want to leave, But Tallstar won't leave unless ThunderClan comes with you, and Firestar won't leave without the other two clans.

You work hard as an apprentice, trying your best to feed your clan, but it's no use. You're clan is starving and you will all die. You're still having a hard time trying to get over the heartbreak of losing the one cat you loved. Maybe…when you die…you will see him in StarClan…

xx

One day, as you are in camp, he comes back.

You are overjoyed, yet suspicious. He looks well fed, much better than you and the rest of the clan. Why did he leave and where did he go?

He tells you that he left because it was a prophecy from StarClan. One cat from each cat was called and if the clans don't leave you will all die.

Some of the clan is mad at him for leaving, but others are happy he's returned. No one more than you. You can't explain how happy you are to see him.

But he seems…different. It's because he went on a long, hard journey you guess. When you talk to him he doesn't seem like he was before.

xx

Before you leave, Tallstar gives you you're warrior name. You are no longer Nightpaw, You are Nightcloud. You're so happy! Even though you won't be able to sit vigil, you are ecstatic.

Finally, with all the clans, you start on the journey the next morning. You watch him help you're weak, exhausted clan. You're determined to help him, but he won't let you. He's stronger than you anyway. The hardship you faced staying with the clan has made you weaker.

On the journey you start loving him more and more. He's so amazing. He's been strong enough to go on a journey even though he was so close to completing his training, he came back and convinced Tallstar to leave, and now he's helping any cat, no matter which clan, when they need it.

Over the journey you find him staring at a young tabby and white she-cat. You think her name is Leafpaw. She's the medicine cat apprentice of ThunderClan. Could he like this cat? No! He's loyal to WindClan. He would never take a mate from another clan. Besides, Leafpaw is a _medicine cat_; she isn't allowed a mate at all. You know he will stay loyal.

Eventually, you and the other cats end up in the cave of The Tribe of Rushing Water. You're amazed. Cats actually live here. They've helped you so much and are even feeding you.

As you share some prey with tribe cat, you hear Tallstar announce a warrior ceremony. It's Crowpaw's warrior ceremony! How wonderful!

You listen intently, and you hear him ask to be called Crowfeather. In honor of Feathertail. You remember her, a pretty silver tabby she-cat with blue eyes. She was nice and friendly at the gatherings. Suddenly, you realize something. Crowfeather has feelings for the now dead she-cat. You feel bad for him…

Once he formally receives his name you cheer as loud as you can. "Crowfeather!" you call. He looks at you with his beautiful blue eyes a moment and gives you a small smile. You smile back.

xx

He's done it! Well…he and the other four cats did it. They've found their new homes! Even though you don't think Onewhisker should lead, you're love agrees, and you want him to notice you as much as possible.

You're new home is wonderful! It feels almost like the hills of the moorland! You go around, helping with whatever needs to be done. You feel happy, you and you're clanmates have a new home with hardly any twolegs and plenty of prey that's easy to catch, and you're love has come home!

xx

Over time you notice Crowfeather staring out across the moor to ThunderClan territory more often. He also doesn't seem to notice you as much anymore. You're mad. He could at least be your friend. You were raised in the nursery together and were apprentices together until he left!

Maybe he just needs to know how much you want to be with him…Yes. That's it. You will start making an effort to show him.

He's sure to notice then.

xx

It's no good; He doesn't notice you. You make an effort to eat and share tongues with him, hinting that you wouldn't mind being his mate. Nothing. You notice how he moons over that ThunderClan she-cat, Leafpool.

Finally, you've had enough. You're going to just tell him. You're going to say how much you love him.

You walk up to him one day when he's about to leave and ask to go with him on a hunting patrol. He agrees and the two of you walk out of camp together.

When you're alone on the moor you tell him, but you kind of beat around the bush. He doesn't understand. Toms! Finally, you sigh.

"I love you Crowfeather!" You yowl finally. Crowfeather looks shocked and declines you're love, apologizing, and walks away to continue hunting. Not once did he look at you.

You sit in the grass for a moment. You told him you love him. He doesn't love you. He's in love with that ThunderClan she-cat! After loving him for moons and moons he won't return you're love. "What do I do now?" you whisper to yourself.

You can't do anything now…except try to move on.

xx

You try to move on, you really do. But you just can't. You've given up all hope of any relationship with him.

Then one day, he's gone. Disappeared…again. Did he run off with Leafpool? You wonder.

You try to work through that pain. It's hard, really hard, because you still love him with all your heart. But then you're summoned to go help ThunderClan with a badger attack. At least that will help get your mind off him.

xx

He's returned! He came back with Leafpool to help! You're still hurt but the clans need all the help they can get.

You catch glimpses of him fighting with badgers, quick and fierce, like he always is.

You fight the badgers off with the other cats and just sent one off when you her a cry of pain. You turn to the noise and see Leafpool just outside the nursery. She's laying beside the body of a gray she-cat. You notice the she-cat's leg and realize it's Cinderpelt, the medicine cat of ThunderClan.

You also see Crowfeather. He's comforting Leafpool. You feel jealousy rip through you. You know he loves her, he even ran off with her! You know you should be respectful. Cinderpelt is a great medicine cat and now Leafpool is the sole medicine cat of ThunderClan.

xx

As you and you're clanmates prepare to leave you notice Crowfeather saying goodbye to Leafpool.

As you walk back you see your clanmates you see most are avoiding him. You swerve through them and come up beside him. He seems to notice you but doesn't care if you are there or not.

You walk in silence until you get to the hill just above your camp. He stops and sits down. You stand near him and look on as he stares down at the camp.

"What am I going to do?" he whispers just loud enough for you to hear. You're not sure he's talking to you but you answer anyway.

You come up and sit down beside him. "Everything will be okay." You meow. "You saved the Clan, and besides, the great journey made everyone feel as if they were part of one clan. It's not your fault you accidently fell in love with Leafpool."

"I lost Feathertail…Now I've lost Leafpool as well…" he sighs.

"I know." You meow quietly. "But now you can find someone in your own clan, and you're kits will be wonderful additions to WindClan."

He let's out a small purr. "Thanks, Nightcloud. You're a good friend." He meows, gets up, and starts walking back to camp. You watch him walk down the hill, then you give a sigh and follow him down to camp.

xx

Over time, he starts acting friendlier to you. He wants to spend more time with you and you wonder if he might be starting to realize he likes you.

He's constantly asking to spend time with you alone and he's been asking to eat with you. You're extremely happy. The love of your life is starting to like you back!

One evening, you find him sitting on the hill looking over camp. You come up beside him like you did that long time ago.

He acknowledges you with a nod of his head. "Hello Nightcloud." He meows.

You come up and sit beside him, not to close but close enough. "The Clan seems to accept me more." He meows.

You nod. "I'm glad. They must have remembered what an amazing cat you are."

He shakes his head. "But I made two big mistakes." He sighs. "I allowed myself to fall in love with two she-cats from different clans. One was even a medicine cat." He sighs again and stares blankly out across the hills.

"Are you thinking of Leafpool?" you ask quietly after a moment.

He gives his head a small shake. "No." he replies. "I-I've been thinking…of _you_, Nightcloud."

You look at him, your amber eyes shocked. You're quiet for a moment then speak. "Really?"

He nods. "Really."

You move closer so you're pelt is brushing his. "I still love you." You whisper.

"I…love you to Nightcloud." He replies, pressing he pelt to yours.

xx

A short time later you are confined to the nursery. You got pregnant really quick; you figure that's a good thing though. The rest of the clan are glad that you became Crowfeather's mate and are happy for both of you.

You still worry something, whether he still loves you, but you're so happy you could burst. He loves you, you are mates, and you have kits on the way. You and he will be great parents. You're kits might become leader one day!

But you notice he's not as close as he was. You worry, but it's not good for your kits, so you come to the conclusion that he still wants to prove himself and is working hard at being a good warrior.

That's all…right?

xx

Finally, after a long, hard time, you give birth to one kit. He is a small, jet black tom. Crowfeather wasn't there at his kit's birth, but he came in afterward. Still, he didn't seem all that happy. Maybe he will want to name it.

"What should we name him?" you ask.

"I don't know. You choose. I have hunting to de before it gets dark." He tells you, and leaves you alone in the nursery.

You stare at the tiny bundle of fur, overjoyed at the idea of having your own family with the tom you love more than anything, but still sad that your so-called love seems to not be interested in his son.

"Don't worry…Breezekit." You tell your newly named kit, nuzzling him. "I'll love you enough for both of us."

Maybe a WindClan cat name will help. You just know Crowfeather will love him…even if it takes him a while to show it.

Your happiness soon fades though as Crowfeather hardly spends time with you anymore. He doesn't seem to like you or Breezekit. He just basically ignores you both.

What happened? What did you do wrong? What did Breezekit do wrong?

xx

As time passes and Breezekit becomes Breezepaw, you do your best to be two good parents. Crowfeather still ignores Breezepaw for the most part and doesn't act like a father to him. You feel for your kit. He didn't do anything to deserve this. You're still asking yourself the same questions.

You try your best to be two parents at once, but it's no use. Breezepaw still wants his father's approval. All you ever wanted for him to love you and his kit. Is that too much to ask?

xx

Finally, your kit is a warrior. He has earned the name Breezepelt. You couldn't be prouder, you've raised him the best you can. Yet, Crowfeather _still_ won't approve of him. You're exhausted and frustrated. What did you do wrong? What did Breezepelt do wrong? All either of you wanted was to love him and be loved in return.

You know he still loves _her._ Leafpool, the ThunderClan medicine cat. The cat who took his heart and still has it. You hate her. You know you shouldn't, but you do. The way they act when they are around each other just slaps you in the face.

xx

As time passes you basically give up, but…you still love him. No matter what he does, you still have a tiny spark of hope that he will realize you will always love him.

Always.

Then one day Breezepelt, Crowfeather and you go to a gathering. You see Leafpool there, as she always is, and try not to hate her.

As you listen to the news you hear the ThunderClan warrior, Hollyleaf, ask to speak. This interests you as warriors hardly ever speak at gatherings.

"We are _NOT_ the kits of Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight!" Hollyleaf meows. "Our real parents are _Leafpool, the ThunderClan medicine cat_ and _Crowfeather_ of WindClan!"

You're shocked at first. Then angry. You're fur is fluffed out and claws ready to claw Leafpool and Crowfeather. How could they?! They had kits! All you feel is pain and anger. You're sure that if Crowfeather and Leafpool had never came back and she had her kits that Crowfeather would love them and care for them, Unlike Breezepelt, whom he ignored and never loved…and you.

Not only did he still love Leafpool, he had three successful kits to go with her!

Then you finally, finally, fully accept what you always denied.

He never loved you, did he? No. He _used you_. Used you and then threw you away like yesterday's crowfood. He got you pregnant just so WindClan would trust him. He ignores your only kit.

Breezepelt. The kit whom you worked _so hard_ to raise. You worked so hard to be a mother _and_ a father to him.

But it wasn't enough. And no matter how hard you and Breezepelt try…

He will _never_ love you. Never…

Your heart is shattered beyond repair. The funny thing is, though, that you still…

Love him.

And you always will…

Always.

xx

Authors Note: So, What do you think? I think it's pretty darn good haha.

Nightcloud is one of my favorite characters. I know a lot of people hate her because she's not some *KAWAIIDESUKITTY* or because she's Crowfeather's mate, But I like her just the way she is.

Nightcloud has **_EVERY RIGHT_** to spiteful and hateful of Crowfeather and Leafpool. Think about it. All she ever wanted was to love and be loved by Crowfeather, but he took Leafpool as a mate since she was like Feathertail in a way [or I think so], then they run off but come back because of Midnight [I think].

So, now he's got to prove his loyalty. His solution? Taking complete advantage of a cat who loved him. He took advantage of her feeling, got her knocked up, then just ignores Nightcloud and Breezepelt for the most part. He never tried to be a father to Breezepelt, leaving Nightcloud to fill the role of both parents.

Then, when Hollyleaf reveals the truth, she realized that Crowfeather had a whole other family. Leafpool was a medicine cat, who ranked highly in clan society, and three kits, one that was Leafpool's apprentice, and two others who were successful warriors.

Even when Jayfeather, Hollyleaf, and Lionblaze were kits and thought their parents were Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw, they were loved by not only Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight but Leafpool as well. Nightcloud was by herself, trying to be two parents for her only kit who will never be successful as the other three and will never know the love of the cat who selfishly fathered him.

Basically, Don't hate on Nightcloud because she's Crowfeather's mate. It's not her fault she loved him is it? You may not like her because of her personality, but I think it makes her a unique character who is hated on WAY to much just because she loved someone. If anything, I think her pain is the worst because she has to live with the fact that she failed as a mate and a mother.

Also, think about this. She is a very strong character. She didn't just wallow in self-pity. She stood up for herself and all worked throught all the pain brought on by Crowfeather. She does not need to be some extremely nice, caring, calm she-cat. Nightcloud is great the way she is.

Uh…yeah. Not exactly the clearest but I think I got my point across. It's how I view Nightcloud at least. x3

-NnyFluff


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